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I was the patient. It was a kidney biopsy. I was d*****d up and out of it, but still awake. Laying on my stomach as my kidney doctor worked behind me. He warned me, “You’re going to hear a click and it will feel like Mike Tyson punched you in the back.” “Oh, Kay?”

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I hear, click, feel the punch, then hear, “Oh, S**T. Get So n So on the phone now.” A nurse came up near my face to calm me, and maybe keep an eye on me. I don’t really remember everything.

Apparently he had knicked a blood vessel and I was bleeding internally at an alarming rate. I got to spend the night in the hospital and pissed what seemed like pure blood for about 24 hours.

Never try to fit your kidney biopsy in on a Friday before the doctor leaves for vacation.

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