Cada día, las mujeres corren ciertos riesgos. Se espera de ellas que sean “agradables y educadas”, pero también que se defiendan de los raros y pervertidos que se quieren aprovechar de ellas. Para demostrar que está totalmente bien dejar de lado lo primero para conseguir lo segundo, Lily Evans ha compartido una estremecedora experiencia personal. Trata sobre un hombre con el que se encontró mientras ella paseaba a su perro y las cosas que ocurrieron porque ella no le dijo que se “fuera a la m*erda”. Con el tiempo se volvió viral y ha desatado una interesante discusión online sobre atención no deseada.

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Whether unwanted attention is coming from a friend or a complete stranger, rejecting them is rarely easy. Recent research from Cornell University has some answers to why it sometimes feels impossible to get rid of persistent come-ons. To examine the experience of rejecting someone’s advances, Bohns and DeVincent focused on 942 participants in STEM; the fields of science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. There, sexual harassment is a documented problem. The study was designed in a way that allowed it to gather data about both being the target of an unwanted pursuit and being the pursuer.

The data they gathered point to five main reasons why it can be so challenging to reject undesired romantic advances.

1. Suitors are oblivious to the discomfort they’re creating. They often thought that their targets had more freedom to say no and were more comfortable than the targets reported. Targets “found it difficult,” “felt guilty,” “felt bad,” and “felt uncomfortable” saying no to a significantly greater extent than imagined by the suitors.

2. Suitors don’t think targets are as worried as they are. The professional consequences of rebuffing a colleague are often on the minds of targets who are trying to say no to unwanted romantic pursuits.

3. Suitors don’t realize targets are rearranging their daily lives to avoid them. The research suggests that targets are changing their behavior much more than suitors imagine. Targets are wasting energy avoiding not only the suitors but their friends as well. In some cases, it gets so uncomfortable that targets are even considering other places to work, just so they wouldn’t have to deal with these unwanted advances.

4. Suitors do not see their attention as distracting. When targets are trying to say no without causing a stir, their work productivity drops. In other words, the harmless flirtation that a suitor thinks they are engaging in is actually negatively impacting the target’s everyday life far more than they could imagine.

5. Suitors aren’t aware of their target’s reputation concerns. Targets of unwanted advances in professional settings worry about what an unwanted suitor might say about them after a rejection way more than the suitors typically imagine.

No importa que la atención no deseada venga de un amigo o un desconocido, siempre es difícil rechazarla, según una investigación de la Universidad de Cornell, por las siguientes razones:

  1. El pretendiente no se da cuenta de la incomodidad que causa. Se creen que su “objetivo” tiene más libertad para decir lo que piensa y se siente más cómodo, y no es asi.
  2. El pretendiente no cree que el “objetivo” esté preocupado. Decir que no puede tener consecuencias para ellos.
  3. Los pretendientes no se dan cuenta que el “objetivo” reorganiza su vida diaria para evitarlos. Cambian su comportamiento mucho más de lo que creen, incluso llegando a cambiar de trabajo si esto sucede en el ámbito laboral.
  4. Los pretendientes no creen que sus atenciones distraigan. Cuando el “objetivo” intenta decir que no sin causar revuelo, tiene un impacto negativo en su vida.
  5. Los pretendientes no conocen las preocupaciones de su “objetivo”. De nuevo, en el ámbito laboral, es preocupante lo que el pretendiente pueda ir diciendo por ahí del “objetivo” tras ser rechazado.

La historia de Lily desató una interesante discusión

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